Let us (you) dream a little. Close your eyes for a moment and imagine a world where you can build the next Oilers of beer league hockey to compete for all the glory this winter. The pinnacle of one’s hockey career is not the Stanley Cup, (although it is definitely up there if you are a pro hockey player).

No, no, no, not at all. The real hockey Everest is the Stanley Keg, a trophy highly coveted by all beer league players around the world. Even the pros end up on the beer league circuit, eventually. That is the true top of one’s hockey career. Isn’t it?

This world exists, and it is right here and right now. Are you the Kenny Holland they need, the Glen Sather they don’t deserve, a Reg Dunolop they so desperately want? Are you ready to build a contender (some say a low level hockey juggernaut) for the Winter 2024-25 season?

Are you ready to work tirelessly (mostly on weekends, though weeknights and emergency beer runs may-will be required) to put together the finest group of beer league specimens to go for all or nothing this winter?

Are you someone who is willing to pour their heart and soul into this team?

If you said yes, this job is for you!

Responsibilities

• Player Recruitment 
  • Must be able to convince your buddies, cousins, and that one random guy at the bar to join the team by talking up our long term potential, despite our “short-term” results. 
• Roster Management
  • Ensure we have enough players for each game who can stand up and preferably skate without falling when receiving a pass. (with appropriate jerseys on)
  • Assign (de)hydration duties for each game to most appropriate team member
• Equipment Management
  • Ensure players who come to games brought all their gear, including obligatory mismatched socks (but no tapped numbers on the jersey).
  • Ensure the dressing room is devoid of evidence of any sort as it would relate to (de)hydration duties mentioned earlier.
• Team Strategy
  • Develop a wining game plan that involves zero penalties, and free liquids flowing in the parking lot
• Financial Management
  • Zero responsibility assured – the best part, ask us how!
• Conflict Resolution
  • Mediate disputes over who should have been playing with whom and settle arguments over questionable offside calls. Also may include doing game feedback reports on how the other team brought out too many ringers.
• Event Planning
  • Organize team bonding BBQs (summer) and mandatory parking lot meetings (Winter)
  • May need to insert random games against the Wings and/or Phantoms to get the boys out of the house when the league schedule has a gap.
• Public and Community Relations
  • Develop a first name basis relationship with arena attendants to ensure additional time is granted in the showers and the dressing room.

Qualifications

• Passion for hockey – non negotiable, deal breaker

• • You don’t need to skate like Gretz, but you should know the difference between a puck and donut (yes you will also play on the team)
• Leadership Skills
  • Must be able to lead a team of mediocre, to outright awful, could have beens and never has beens of various degrees of skills and sobriety
• Excellent Communication Skills
  • Ability to deliver rousing pre-game dressing room speeches to get the boys to put on their skates.
  • May need to explain blue line icing rules in between periods, and use cliches like “get pucks deep”, “when in doubt glass and out”, and “we gotta take it one shift at a time boys”.
  • Motivate teammates to back-check, fore-check and give the league some of their paycheck (to pay for team fees of course)
• Sense of Humor
  • Ability to laugh at yourself and others or else why are we out there? 

To Apply

P.S. If you are not the one we are looking for but think this would be a fun team to play for, we may have room for you. If you want to be our Corey Perry, contact us now and we can discuss contract terms.